What Happened When I Stopped Playing the Victim

Rewriting My Story: How I Took Control of My Health and Stopped Playing the Victim

For a long time, I dreaded running into people I knew in public. The mere thought of encountering an old friend or acquaintance filled me with anxiety. I had gained so much weight in such a short period that I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I knew people would notice, and I was terrified of what they might think. What if they assumed I had simply stopped caring about myself and let everything go? To avoid this painful judgment, I developed a habit of retelling my story to anyone who would listen. I made sure to explain that my rapid weight gain wasn’t my fault but rather a result of unknown health issues.

Mysterious Health Issues

At the time, my health issues were mysterious. I was struggling with fatigue and a myriad of symptoms that seemed to come out of nowhere. I was too busy trying to blame these issues and striving for a diagnosis so I could pinpoint exactly what was wrong with me. Later, I found out I had gluten intolerance and hypothyroidism, and I eventually developed idiopathic tachycardia. But during those months of uncertainty, I was desperate for answers and used my health issues to justify my weight gain. The more I told my story, the more I began to believe that there was nothing I could do to change my situation. I thought, “If I can just explain this to everyone, they won’t think I’ve stopped trying.” I was desperate to shift the blame away from myself.

The Diagnosis

When I finally received my diagnosis of an underactive thyroid, I ramped up my blame on that, thinking it was the sole reason for my struggles. Having a diagnosis gave me something concrete to lean on, and I used it to explain away my weight gain. But deep down, I knew there was more to it. I had let my identity become wrapped up in my health struggles, and that kept me stuck in a negative cycle. Sometimes we let our victimhood or negative life experiences define us too much, and it’s hard to let go of that identity. But if we want to change, we have to be willing to release that part of ourselves.

The Pivotal Moment

One day, after another round of fatigue and new health issues piling on due to my weight, I decided enough was enough. I was tired of feeling like a victim. I wanted to learn how to heal myself, to take back control of my life. It was a pivotal moment that changed everything for me. I realized my past didn’t have to dictate my future. I could choose to nourish my body and prioritize my health, regardless of my previous struggles.

Taking Responsibility

Eventually, I recognized that I could not use my health issues as an excuse any longer. I needed to take responsibility for my health. That was when I made the bold decision to go back to college to earn a degree in holistic nutrition. I knew that if I wanted to heal, I needed to equip myself with the knowledge and tools to do so.

As I started to focus on nourishing my body instead of punishing it, I also explored different forms of movement. I tried yoga, lifting weights, and adding more steps to my day. I wasn’t focusing on burning calories; instead, I wanted to see what my body could do and celebrate its strength. It was a refreshing change of pace, and I began to enjoy being active again.

Shifting My Mindset

The shift wasn’t just physical—it was mental and emotional too. I had spent so much time telling the story of how my health issues were to blame that I didn’t realize how much power I had been giving away. I had let myself believe that my circumstances controlled me, but in reality, I was the one with the power to change. The moment I stopped telling everyone about how sick I was, something shifted. I stopped believing that illness defined me and started to believe I could be healthy again.

Embracing Positive Influences

I also began reading books, listening to podcasts, and surrounding myself with positive influences. The more I absorbed these messages of hope and empowerment, the more I started to believe in myself. Slowly but surely, I started making changes that nourished my body. I stopped focusing on losing weight and instead focused on how I felt. And the funny thing was, once I let go of the obsession with weight loss, the pounds began to come off on their own.

Celebrating Small Victories

I wasn’t starving myself or overexercising anymore. I was simply nourishing my body and moving it in ways that felt good. Every small victory, whether it was lifting a heavier weight or feeling more energized, reinforced my belief that I was in control of my health. I no longer saw myself as a victim of my circumstances, but as someone capable of creating positive change.

Committing to Change

The journey wasn’t always smooth. There were still days of doubt, and there were moments when I felt overwhelmed by the enormity of the changes I wanted to make. But I was committed to no longer being stuck in my old story. I wasn’t the woman who was too sick or too tired to care about her health anymore. I was someone who was willing to put in the effort to become the woman I had always dreamed of being.

Creating Room for Possibility

When I stopped clinging to my old identity as a victim of my health issues, I made space for something better. I created room for the possibility of change, for the chance to become stronger, healthier, and more confident. And over time, I did just that.

Now, I walk through life with my head held high. I’m not embarrassed about my past or my struggles, because they were part of my journey. But they don’t define me anymore. I define me—and I’ve never felt more empowered in my life.